Yesterday started early (for me) getting my car to the shop to get inspected. 7:30 a.m. – I wore my hot rollers! So what, who cares, my hair still looks great today! They tried to sell me a $30 scrub on my battery…first I said yes, but I am getting so much better and jumped up and said, no thank you! I can take gunk off my battery as well as they can.
Off to work, feeling good about myself and glad I will get to work early….la la la, crossing over the highway I spot the road = parking lot, Errrrrrrrrrrrr U turn! I cleverly urn right on next main road to work, (like everyone else) and sat at light through 3 cycles and then got through and saw again – road = parking lot! Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr U turn! Head back home and start over, and of course I have to be at work early to make up time! I wiggle my way here and there to finally join the throngs and get myself into my office. I keep smiling!
I was lucky enough to take two walks during the day on a beautiful Fall day. I think at the end of the day it could be those walks saved me.
In my quest to get a new job, mygodpleeeeeeeeeeeease, I bought 2 suits from Ann Taylor and needed to get the arms shortened. Not having an interview yet but being pro-active and awesome I decide to stop by the Mall (read-hell hole, it was a miraculous feat that I was able to get the clothes in the first place and I can only thank a very loyal friend that made it her personal mission that I get a suit that fit me), ok, so I am parking at the hell hole …cutting through the JCPenney to drop off my 2 suit coats to get the arms shortened. Turns out both suits have 4 buttons at the bottom of the sleeve, a very nice touch unless you need them shortened and then you have to take the sleeves up via the shoulder, which costs more and could make your jacket too tight. The tailor thought he could make it work, but just in case let’s just do one for now. Fine.
I am driving home, only a few miles away, and I begin to worry, it’s going to be too tight. I call the 800 Dial Ann # and tried to explain my predicament to a young girl who had no clue how to advise me. I called the tailor and said, please do Nothing! I’m coming back! I call Ann Taylor and get a young and amazing woman on the phone who says YES, it could be disastrous, let’s see what we can do. I kiss me sweet husband who I woke from taking a nap (yea poor guy, no really, poor guy), and drive back out in traffic to the freaking Mall. Retrace my parking spot, steps and go back to the tailor and retrieve the suit coat.
I walk through the Mall (yes it is a hell hole, who are all these people and what the heck are they all doing here, don’t they have lives, don’t judge, don’t judge, don’t judge), past the freaking Christmas tree, oh yea, Santa will be there Sunday, before Thanksgiving…so fucked up. I go to AT and say hi, they are so nice and so competent, really, and she checks out a size 8 on me and thinks actually, yes you could wear a size 8 so when they shorten the sleeve from the shoulder it will be great. So I say, hey, let me go show this here coat to the tailor and see what he thinks, I leave all my precious belongings and walk back to the tailor and try on the coat for him and he says, yes, I think it will work, YEA!, so I walk back to AT past that xmas tree and return the 2 coats I bought online and it turns out that they had one of the coats in a size 8 in the shop and on SALE!! Yea!!! so I buy it. I happily walk back to the tailor, and try on the new coat that is mine and it looks horrible. Something is up (and out!) on the right shoulder….no freaking way is this going to work, and I appreciate his help and bow to him and thank him and walk back to AT past the fucking tree and back to the poor woman who has to take care of me and say, won’t work, what am I going to do? (totally whining) and she a beautiful girl, that looks like my niece calmly takes it back and we finally decide I would buy back one of the size 6 coat that the tailor said ‘on me’ it could work, and I walk BACK to the tailor and I stand there, I got tearful folks, but my hair still looked good, so I focused on that and smiled (kindof) and he put pins everywhere….he said in his Asian way ‘ you will ge the job’ and so there it is I did it.
Then I came home knowing I have to order a size 8 of the other coat online. On the way home I realize that I got that coat on a 30% off sale and when I got to buy another one that sale is OVER. I call AT on my way home. She was so nice, but yea, that sucks. I’m like, whatever, you are great, I get home and my sweet husband is cooking an awesome salmon and broccoli dinner with white wine for me. I say, I’m not done, there is still a missing piece. I get online and find the jacket and call 800 Dial Ann and this time I get a new girl, but WOW she was great. She made it happen and will make sure it gets here on Monday and no charge and yes you get 30% off and I am so sorry etc etc. So I don’t know if any of it will work. I got off the phone and my husband handed me the best poached salmon with butter, olive oil, lemon and garlic ever and asks me which white wine I like better, (I tell you, I love this guy), and I sit down to watch the Daily Show.
I never fell apart. I never cried. Baby, I’m amazed at myself. It is this kind of perseverance and endurance that will get me the job I deserve!
It took Edietown 8x to get this posted! I posted the picture I made first. I hope you enjoy it!
This is the 3rd time I have tried to write this blog. I believe I might be having technical difficulties at home so am writing this in email and will try to publish on work computer.
the subject is The War on Art by Steven Presssfield.
the subtitle is perfect for this experience (writing) “break through the blocks and win your inner creative battles”
The book is about what keeps us from being our authentic artistic selves. Whatever holds you back – the book calls it all Resistance.
Resistance comes in all forms, with Procrastination the first one that comes to mind. Right now, resistance is rearing its evil head in the form of typos which I will ignore until time to publish. Be gone OCD everything has to beperfectl self!!!
My Resistance in not being the artistic Edie that I always know is there is not Procrastination. I could never afford to be that because I always had my children relying on me and had to get shit done. No, my Resistance is more insidious than that. Depression. Ugly self hating depression, but I refuse to be that person any longer. It has been a rough road, and I hope who ever reads this gets some benefit from my words.
When I was 15 I made a terrible choice. One of my 5 strengths is Responsibility, and that strength came back and bit me in the butt big time. Because I believed 2 con men after talking to them for over an hour I got in the car to go with them to smoke a joint. 1973 – 10th grade high school girl on her way to play practice….I knew within 30 seconds that I had made a fatal error. They took me to downtown Detroit to a motorcycle gang so they could fulfill some horrible initiation. I never thought I would make it out alive. Someone even knew my name, but did nothing to help me.
It is hard NOT to be depressed when your soul is bruised as mine was when I came out of there. I don’t really believe that I understood what really happened, or actually how to process it. How do you tell your parents? How could I ever tell them I was so stupid that I got in the car? They had to know what happened because I needed a doctor and I was not 16 yet. I lied. I said they forced me into the car. After recovering there was a grace period of omg, thank god you are alive, for me too, and I remember we watched home movies during that period that was really nice. My parents are catholic. I can’t blame them for their reaction to me, but it was bad. At the beginning of my senior year my mother found birth control pills and turned me out of the house, wouldn’t even let me bring my pillow. My soul now, not bruised, but crushed, stomped and never to recover, never to be accepted, never to be forgiven.
I carried this pain for so many years. How it manifested was low self-esteem, and wildness really, I really believed that if it would be so easy to die,then death was coming so I might as well get fucked up. And my nature is to have fun! ….after your homework is done (I told you I was responsible!)
Ok, back to the book! I am declaring to no longer allow Resistance in any form to keep me from being creative. I will not let the Bully at work keep me sad and isolated. The book says that “Cruelty to others is a form of Resistance, as is the willing endurance of cruelty from others’.
Should I feel for the Bully because she might be acting out as a cruel bitch because of her own Resistance?
The book talks about the Artist’s code or the Warrior’s Way: It’s an attitude of egolessness and service. I definitely aspire to this. But, I think until I become stronger the Bully can find her own way.
I will share my loving and giving nature with others for now.
I would not count the above writing as my best. The second time I tried to write this was not bad, but I don’t want to allow my pride to stop me from writing, so this is posted. Just remember that everyone is an Artist. This is your authentic self, don’t let Resistance keep you from being you!
Ok, so I have a couple stories that I wanted to share that are old, but are good. And work has been so crazy that to keep this blog going I better keep writing.
It is the story of me, Holly and Wyatt going to NYC to MTV for Wyatt to work with Patrick Zung from Celebrity Death Match. It was Spring, 1999! Holly and Wyatt and I were living in our little house in Hillsborough and for some reason (Holly!) we had cable. Holly turned us on to the show, “Celebrity Death Match”. It was a show where celebrities who are made out of clay beat each other up, fun stuff! Anyway, one day Wyatt says to me, “Mom, no one likes me.”, and I say, “People like you!”, and he says, “NO, there is NO one like me!”, and I say, “I know! That is because you are in a small group of people, when you get older you will meet other people who are like you.” So, we rented a video of Celebrity Death Match one day and I took down the name of the Executive Producer and called him. That one phone call landed us in NYC at the MTV studio. Patrick Zung called me back and said, “We would love to give you a tour, but we would really like to work with him, can you come up for the weekend?” ‘OMG!!! Yes we can!”….Holly’s friend Eddie’s mom moved out of her apartment in lower Manhattan and let us stay there, bought 3 tickets and next thing we know…
We got to MTV near Times Square about 11:00 am. I had my boy, Wyatt (10) and my girl, Holly (19) and her friend Eddie, who was pretty much our host while we were there. Here we were sitting on these two plush Victorian couches at mtv, watching an mtv show called the Tom Green show on TV! at MTV! Oh yea, and this was when MTV was cool. It’s a discrace now and should get the heck off TV, anway… Patrick Zung came and got us. He was very tall, skinny, long hair, Asian eyes and quiet, shy, gentle, basically just a really authentic sweet person! He introduced us to everyone. There were three shows going on in this area, a new animation, Downtown; animated show, Darias and CELEBRITY DEATH MATCH!!! To show them Wyatt’s skill we had brought along an egg carton that had 12 sculpted heads with a toothpick on the end for easy pickup/showoff! Wyatt had done David Letterman, Larry King, Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro and more. The first woman we met was Liz; she sculpted heads in decreasing size as they are being punched down by their opponent. Each character had its normal head and then they just kept getting smaller, she was very nice, I liked her a lot, she was young and had reading glasses on and a great smile, very open to my boy.I was astounded as how much this place looked like my living room, clay everywhere; I was snapping pictures left and right! Patrick took us into a storage room where the sculptures for the show they are working on are kept. Elton John was in there in a gladiator costume. We saw a bunch of cool little props. Next we went into a sculpting room. Met two guys who took me aside and told me about their lives, how hard they had it in school and how one had sculpted since he was four (like Wyatt) and the other just stared out the window at school day dreaming, both had a hard time in school and gave credit to their parents for sticking by them and not giving up…had their hand on my shoulder telling me not to worry about my boy, he’ll be all right! Really enjoyed watching this guy do Elton John. His sculptures were so smooth. Next we went to visit the puppet doctors, passing the story board on the way. The two doctors showed us how they would repair the puppets. If something goes wrong while filming, they run the poor puppet to the doctor and get fixed. We visited the different sets for filming. Met a guy who was doing something with the computer and the voices….Seeing the big celebrity death match ring was totally cool, it had the lights set on it, and some guy being filmed (do not remember who the actor was). Patrick took us to a storage area where all the sets were stored and pulled them out one by one to show us, there was the set from the great Alex Trebec vs. Pat Sajak fight, wheel of fortune, where the wheel would turn and tell you what to do to your opponent…some of you may be queasy with more details, but hey, it’s just clay….for the next hour Wyatt, Holly, Eddie, two interns and two production assistants were busy sculpting background people. The two interns were on summer break from art school and one of the production assistants was great, her name was Nicole, she looked like a 25 year old Holly! (Holly is now 32, which is kindof wierd) Patrick did a little work and then we all got on the subway to go downtown.
We pretended we didn’t see anyone at all while on the subway, big change from North Carolina. Went to 30th avenue near Madison Square Garden. This is the shop where they make props and molds. Met a bunch of guys at this location, all in their 20s and all very charming. One of them reminded me of Elvis. He was busy repairing little plates for a fight between Martha Stewart and Sandra Bernhardt (you know, the lesbian from the Rosanne Show?) This shop is where we spent the rest of the weekend. The workers talked and laughed and kept working the entire time. They sculpted something and then they would custom make a box out of thick poster board, glue it together and then pour this blue stuff inside to make the mold. When it dries you have to carefully cut it open to find the original. anyway, now they can make a lot of heads all the same…For this shop they painted the floor with a special paint that doesn’t allow paint to dry/stick, but what they didn’t realize was that it would be terribly slippery. But , what fun, everyone slid around all day, I entertained myself by sliding around the room every now and then….”hey, look out for that patch by the door!”….Patrick was like a super hero, we would call him and he would ”’whoosh!’ show up!……ok, fast forward, went do dinner (Indian) went to our apt. on the east river right next to the Brooklyn bridge, with a ballpark 9 stories down, got up the next day. Wyatt and I found our way to the subway, ate breakfast at the Tick Tock Diner and walked over to 30th street by 10:00 am. Patrick met us there. No one else was there when we got there, Patrick had cancelled his acupuncture appointment and spent the next nine! Hours working hands on with Wyatt and teaching him exactly how they make the puppets. I was only there to take notes and sit on my butt, boy was it sore…
Patrick started at an empty work table and brought in the materials as needed. They each worked on making two puppets. Won’t go into all the details, but it was totally cool and for the most part we can recreate the process at home. People started showing up around 1ish, working on their own projects since it was Saturday. After nine hours we had to say goodbye to Patrick. Wyatt told him that instead of going to Disneyworld next year can we go there, he said yes. Wyatt and I both cried in the elevator on our way down, we had become quite accustomed to being around Patrick and his demeanor was so genuine that he was easy to love. People who know Wyatt’s work were saying to me, ‘were they astounded by his talent?’ I said no, they were all just like him, and it was the first time that Wyatt got to be with people like him. I just want to say to everyone that is reading this: There was no way to know what would happen when I made that phone call to MTV and left that message. This was a remarkable trip for me and my children. And especially Wyatt. Don’t wait until another day to do something you love, or try something new, don’t be afraid to ask for help while on this voyage. Go for what you want, be intentional and the universe will line up just where you need it.
Oh, and by the way, if you are wondering where Holly was that second day…we were supposed to meet her somewhere, Washington Park? Anyway, what do you think my daughter was doing when Wyatt and I showed up? She was on the shoulders of a guy riding a unicycle. Yep, Big Smile! Remeber it like it was yesterday! Of course that would be her!
Today is Friday, July 13. It is a good day to start a blog.
I was born on Friday the 13th, so I claim every Friday the 13th as my birthday, as well as all of June (who is going to stop me?).
I always thought my older brothers and sisters were teasing me, ‘you were born on Friday the 13th! na na’ (you have to say it really mean). Then one day, I mean, really one day when I was like 30 I saw a calendar from 1958 and was like, wow! it’s true and that is totally cool. I don’t believe in bad luck, only good luck, so there you go. But i do believe that shit happens, but that is shit happening and not bad luck.
Since my mom, my boss, my daughter and her friend all thought I should be writing stuff down I am doing it now. I will go back in time just to catch you up on some of my better stories. I have a few, since I am 54 and grew up in the 70’s. Some of my memories are gone. (translation: spent high school in a very smoky car in the parking lot).
I’m amazed when you read someone’s memoir and they remember everything! (one good one is Wendy Burden’s book “Dead End Gene Pool”…..she is related the the Vanderbilt family and she is hilarious).
Ok, now I am feeling self conscience and stuff, and keep getting interrupted. I will leave you with this one story. I’m getting married soon and yesterday we visited the farm where we will be married and I had a rough night and so did my fiance (I didn’t know until later) and I was lying in bed this morning thinking about a picture I took in Savannah a few years ago of a very small sentence written on a fence and it said “Everything will be okay”. I thought about that and it made me feel better and also reminded me of all the pictures like that that I have taken that I want to enlarge and frame, like the one in Asheville I saw that was spray painted on the side of a building that said “All I EVER WANTED WAS TO HOLD YOU LIKE YOU WERE MINE” and then some of it was crossed out and then it said “ALL I WANTED WAS SOME PAINT REMOVER!”, anyway, so I’m stressed out in bed thinking about the “Everything will be okay” photo and my fiance is about to go to work and he sat down to kiss and hug me goodbye and said, ‘EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!!!”. Life is so cool.